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an invitation to the soul

Can a soul be beautiful without faith? I don’t believe so… What makes my soul beautiful is a constant desire to be holier and have a relationship with Jesus. The two are very connected. You can’t be holy without knowing Jesus, who else would be showing and teaching you this. If you met Jesus and the ways He lived His life you would get inspired to be holy. I strive for both and my progress motivates me.



I’d like to say it started at my baptism, when my parents brought me to the church and the priest poured the water over my head, but it was actually even before that. The Bible says that God thought about us even before creating the world, He knit us in our mother’s womb… wonderfully.


When I look at this picture taken 40 years ago, my grandparents are in heaven, my parents, aunts and uncles became grandparents and I, the baby, became a parent myself. What has happened during these 40 years? My baptism started this innocent, unconscious love towards God.


My grandmother taught me how to pray the Angel of God, Our Father and Hail Mary prayers that now I teach my children. Through the years I have learned more prayers, different types depending on the stages of my life and conditions of my soul. Like adoration in silence, when you say nothing, stare at the Blessed Sacrament, wait for God to talk to you. Or worshiping so loud that you don’t hear your thoughts and can focus on praising God. Meditation over the Scriptures. Individual prayer or group meetings. Prayers written by saints and your spontaneous talks to God. All of them go deeper into a closer, more intimate relationship with the Lord.


The official friendship with Jesus in the Catholic Church happens at your First Communion yet I don’t remember much of it.



However, there’s a real smile on my face and sparkle in my eyes in this picture. I'm convinced that it's the presence of Jesus that I received in the Holy Communion for the very first time. From there, over the years I did many confessions and communions. I do spend a lot of time in churches. They make me comfortable. I know they are just buildings but usually there are decades or centuries of prayers being said inside and you can just feel it. The picture below is me in Italy.



After my grandfather's death, that was the first in our family for me, I was motivated to go to daily mass to pray for him to go to heaven. One day a priest asked me: “Hey, I see you come to church a lot, how about you come to our prayer group?” I didn’t know anything about praying groups but I came and I'm so grateful for Fr. Marek's invitation. I found him after 17 years and he's now working to renovate his current parish and keep churches beautiful. This was the first praying group that I became a member of. Since then I have been in many praying groups in Poland, Germany and the US. It’s fascinating to be able to share your experience about God with others.


With this first group I went to my first retreat and since then I got addicted to them. I need to go from time to time to cleanse myself from any spiritual garbage I have collected over time from bad experiences and neglecting God. I like to be refreshed by new preachings, prayers and testimonies. I regain my spiritual strength and motivation to keep going. I have been to many conferences and Christian gatherings in Poland, Italy, Slovakia and the US. It’s really interesting to hear how over the last 2000 years people read, study and interpret the Word of God that becomes alive all over again, revealing a new love to those who want to receive it.


The one who taught me how to have a real relationship with Jesus was Ewa. I asked her once how do I start this relationship with Jesus? She just said: "You go on a date with Him." A few days later I ran to her saying: “Ewa is this possible I went with Jesus to McDonalds?” With a characteristic grimace on her face she replied: “During Jesus' times they baked fish in a fire, I assume you could have McDonalds these days."


Over time Jesus and I dated a lot, went to many places, shared plenty of joys and tears too. These days we hang out at our newly bought property. When my husband was on the phone making an offer for it, I asked Jesus if this land was good for us. He held my hand and led to the Father, “Dad, will You bless this land?” The Father replied with a smile: “Of course I will, these are 4 acres of my kingdom they’ll be building on the earth.” The other time when I asked Jesus about the property He was already digging in the ground with St. Maximilian Kolbe a saint that I like. When I asked if saints will help He replied that any saints I want will help. “Even St. Peter?” I asked and Jesus replied: “Well… he is there by the water fishing. He is a fisherman not a carpenter after all.” There’s a little stream on our land…


My father taught me how to play chess when I was little, I practiced a lot and went to many tournaments. This was mostly a man's world. In high school I liked math when my girlfriends preferred Polish and Biology. I became an engineer and worked in automotive industry. I get along better with men. In the Catholic Church we like the Blessed Mother. They say it’s either She will bring you to Jesus or He will bring you to Her.


When I was preparing to move to the US, I asked Mother Mary to help me and promised to pray to Her if She would. She kept Her promise, me not so much. After I became mother myself I went to a retreat and in every meditation Jesus led me to Her. I was stubborn, I didn't want to have a relationship with Her like I did with Jesus. When I was pregnant the second time and dreaming of a girl, I saw Mother Mary holding a baby wrapped in a pink ribbon. I said in my testimony, if I’m going to have a girl it'll mean that She loves me more than I know. Not that long ago when listing to an online prayer I was encouraged by a priest and in my thoughts, very consciously, I let Her hug me and it felt as if I was Her daughter. She spoke to me for the very first time and said: “Be good to yourself.” That’s what a good mother would say, isn’t it?


Faith is a complicated subject. From nonbelievers to super believers there are a lot of shades. I’m leaning towards super believer yet you can never love enough and that’s the best characteristic of Jesus' follower. I wish faith was easier to define or measure. My analytical brain would like to have faith grades from 1 -10 and a formula for when you reach say 7.5 you're almost in heaven. Nope. Only God knows your heart. And this unknown, the mystery about it, makes Him attractive. There’ll always be doubts and set backs but once you get to know Him better, you can’t just stop. I have friends of all shades and I don’t really care which shade you are. I’ll pray though that we meet in heaven.

 

Fr. Marek

a beautiful priest, who took Jesus' commandment "to fish people" very seriously and does it effectively.



Ewa

a beautiful teacher, who teaches small and big children about having a relationship with Jesus - the most precious thing in life.




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1 Comment


Anna Rusinowski
Anna Rusinowski
May 04, 2021

I loved this particular blog! It was very inspiring for me! Thank you!

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